half of a year. compounding pictures.

yes, i am finding time to at least jot down something for me to look back 20 years later and think 'oh this is what i did 20 years back'.


i am struggling. seriously, i haven't had such a battle for such a long time, it feels so surreal this time. having to battle between finals, a break up and decisions to be made for a trip which was pre-planned (with not much thought of its consequences), i find myself staring dreamily into nothing-ness.


i mean i used to be so grounded on my own feet, what happened to me. i miss me. that's why i keep finding myself insisting that i need so much time alone. to find myself back. it's just that my alter ego has been working for far too long.


so in no particular order, these are some events which took place. (when i was still happening and not preparing for finals)


my first half of two thousand nine:


genting weekend with family. which i spent reading organisational behaviour in the room. it was samseng's 4th birthday.

ryan gan's 1st birthday at dish deli, solaris mont kiara. very quiantly place. but i hated the furnitures.

s vien(xi wen)'s 21st birthday at mc donald's where we gossipped for hours!

we ushered the first day of two thousand nine in dickson's house. oh dickson is my new found friend whom i met on 25th of december 2008. haha.

brandon's cny open house where we messed around with his things.

my 21st birthday trip. and yes, i need a little trip right now. but pangkor was too slumber for me. i would've died if i stayed another night there.

my 21st birthday dinner with the college mates, wished jo n yenne was there! wtf. dinner at tomoe/tomeo, wtf, forgot, sorry. but it was such a fun night!

arthur's farewell dinner at his place. where yee vonn learnt to play her first mahjong game, with my guidance. haha.

random lunches with college mate, which we ended up doing regularly now. like every wednesday followed by foosball, isn't it! haha. where they guys will lose. this was in kim gary/wongkokcharchanteng(forgot sorry, remind me xiwen!).

two thousand nine was also where i bade farewell to many people who means the world to me. that was perhaps the last laughter we had at the airport.

in two thousand nine, i took random pictures of people's feet, wtf. haha. no, in two thousand nine i finished many OB assignments and felt that we should celebrate it! this was at pizza hut where we forgot to call mei yen.

fung keng's birthday at orange, hartamas. where we ended up having bah kut teh in kepong!

one of the many gambling sessions during cny. this was the first night at weng's crib! where i still had my beauuuutiful long curly hair wtf. that was the last time i curled my hair, boo-hoo.

eric's 21st at orange, hartamas. and dinner at puchong. this was before cny i think. IS IT? i am mixing up my dates, help me!

ee vonn's 21st at negara ampang. where i had to drive there, no thanks to yin wai. scary. and the picture above is the after party! at old town, wtf. haha. where the girls sat there and listened to the guys talking about dota, wtf. sigh.

the surprise for ee vonn at eric's crib! where we found a dollar under the table mat.

dinner with lee hom. haha. wait till he sees this.

sai ho's 22nd birthday at long bar, one world hotel. where his prediction about wern n dickson not coming became true!

so, how would you rate my half a year? haha. i still have been skipping classes like nobody's business. but then i feel weird this year. not as happy as i was last year. maybe i just haven't found myself and really, i think too many dilemmas have been bogging me down.

please pray for me that i find myself. haha. so that i can actually start reading my international monetary economics. it's a sickening subject.

the only thing which still has kept me happy would be shopping. haha. does anyone know where to get nice hangers or hangers in bulk at cheap prices!? i used to get them from the suppliers directly. i have no idea where those 30 hangers i newly bought went to. so please pm me if you know where to get nice and cheap hangers in bulks! thank you.

Untitled.

i've been meaning to pen this down but i can't exactly find the right words for it. so beg me while i pour my feelings out in this post.

lately, i've been feeling very defensive against everyone. i have zilch idea why. it's the kind of feeling where you feel someone is going to say something or do something to hurt you. and you just aren't willing to open up a lil to embrace the pain. you can directly accuse me of not handling criticism well but i am sure you will do the same if you had these kind of bulge in your tummy.

many a hours before this, maybe a day or two, someone said something to me. which i felt shan't be said at all in the first place. have you tried doing something for one person, and the person comes pointing back at you saying that whatever you did was unethical?

i just can't seem to explain how it feels. it feels as if the world has cheated on me or has played me.

have you been cheated once, and been very protective of yourself??

why do we need everything!

today before i left house for dinner, i was picking an outfit to wear. and i sat in front of my wardrobe, i realised i have quite a number of clothes.

and this came up to my mind.

ever wondered why your girlfriend/wife/girl friend has so many clothes and she still buys?

this is the reason why: everything is essential.

you see, i used to think that a pair of white shorts is essential to my wardrobe. well white goes well with everything, right? for casual wear, college wear, slutty nights wtf. then as time passes, i realised the black shorts would be essential too. i mean, sure, white and black are basic colours right? (but my sister stole my black one) then as time passes, the pinstripped ones are in! wtf, then we have the black pinstripped and the grey pinstripped ones. then i would decide i needed a khaki one to put together a laid down casual look. then i would go get a khaki one. AND THEN, there's the high waisted trend, so i went out to get the high waisted shorts, wtfomgbbq. then the sailor look came about and we decide we need a pair of navy blue shorts. wtf right? so if your girlfriend has this many amount of shorts, please forgive her.

then i got my first dress, which i do not remember which is it. then i decide, it is too formal for casual wear. then i go out and get some smocked tube dresses. then summer came by and we needed halter dresses! wtf, then i get some from Supre happily. THEN SPRING CAME ABOUT, wtf, and i needed floral dresses. wtf is this. then all of a sudden i realised, my dresses are too casual for a night out, then i go out to get some party dresses, tight and short wtf. then i read some fashion magazine and they say, a little black dress is essential, wtf, then i go out to buy a LBD. then i frigging decide it's too slutty and too boring for every single night, so i went out to get a white angelic one, wtf, that's how i have another dress. then it's your grandma's birthday and all your dresses are too slutty for her birthday (in case heart attack all the shit) then you go out to get a more conservative dress. and then your dear friend's birthday comes about and there's a dress code for her party, and you go out and get a dress for that! that's how a lady can end up with 30 dresses. please forgive her.

and it comes even worse when you're me, and the fact that i love any cardigans or pullovers or sweaters.

when i first entered college, i decided, okay a sweater would be essential. so i picked a white, thick one. then as time passes by i decided that my white sweater doesn't go with everything but instead if i got a black cardigan, it should do a better job in matching dresses too! then i would decide that if i kept washing the same black cardigan, its colour would run and i go out and buy ANOTHER BLACK CARDIGAN wtfudge! then i decide, black is so boring and it doesnt matches my floral dresses so i go out to hunt for an off-white cardigan, wtf. so there another added to the collection. then the striped were and in thing and i went to get it in yellow stripes, grey stripes and thin stripes!! ok thanks, another three to the collection. then i thought, a grey plain sweater would do great in matching many outfits, very very essential, then i go out and buy a grey sweater. then the body hugging cardigan was in, so i hunted for body hugging ones, then the COSY ONES made their debut, WTF, so i bought those. sigh. this is how the hell a girl can end up with 20 cardigans (not me okay, at least NOT YET). then we had the wrap around cardigan, the hoodie, the cropped cardigan omg. i even have a fur sweater, wat for in msia!

seriously everything is essential! now you wonder why your girlfriend has that many clothes? this is the reason why!

Catchin' up on life.

It has been awhile since I have, wtf, blogged about something happy. not that i am really just a sadistic person, just that i've been very very occupied. so this is a quickie on what i have been up to.

i have been completing my assignments. and been doing exams. why the fuck has rmit mid semester paper become such a bitch!! seriously. i read read read and memorize, but everything which comes out has no significance to what you have read.

remember how we easily did good enough in empirical studies in equity markets by just reading once?! i mean, how come i did well in that year 3 paper, when i was back in year 2 and now i can't cope with a year 3 paper, when i am now in year 3!!! what has the world gotten into.

okay, this is big news. that's if i havent told you. two hell weeks ago, i was feeling a pain on my gums end, and thinking it was just because i was 'heaty', i ignored it. but on saturday (wtf i actually remember the day), easter itself, i realized i could feel my wisdom tooth coming out.

wtf gg. my nightmare has arrived hello.

seeing jin endure the pain, i really hope mine wouldn't even appear. so i went for an appointment with the dentist which he eventually said 'let it be there for six months, we'll see then what we can do' but that night itself it was freaking pain like balls!

so cut long story short, i went to see another dentist (more handsome one, seriously) on friday and underwent a minor surgery to remove it.

i decided to remove it on the spot because
1) i didn't want the wisdom tooths to move my other teeth. i hate senget teeth, how do people cope with ugly teeth (ahem, gigi taring!)
2) finals are coming up, and stress wtf 'enhances' the ache, so i didn't want the tooth to interfere with my finals

on the other hand, i really didn't want to do it last friday because
1) i just have so many activities lined up that weekend. bitch tooth.

dentist in the morning on friday. amazingly i wasn't very terrified, instead took it lightly. i didn't feel that sort of anxiety which i felt when i took my company law paper, wtf.







Having my final solid food.


This was immediately after the surgery. i felt nothing, boohoo. i guessed the handsome dentist must have numbed me too much as even my freaking nose was numb. wtf.



oh there was only one. and my wisdom tooth was still beneath my gums. so he had to slit my gums to dig the tooth out. and those red stuff stuck to the tooth above is not just blood, but gum particles too!


tadaaa. broken tooth. drilled into two parts.

eww blooood. wtf. the goss was my friend for the next few hours after the mini surgery.

gosh, since it is my first surgery, i guess, i am finally adult wtf! oh i healed very quickly because the next day i was at AC already supporting champion. so pick my dentist is you wanna remove your wisdom tooth, cause he is good and he is handsome (very important).

next update is that, wtf, i am having finals. boo-hoo.

lastly, i just got back from the dentist again. and i should be studying by now. so bai!

Span of two hours.

i should be asleep right now. but what happened in within 2 hours before this, has been running through my mind, and it bogs me down. maybe what i am now, is not who i was then.

have you ever felt that, you have been given too short a time to achieve something to big its influence? have you felt as if you wanted to build something in a few weeks which usually takes a few years to build? and you try having everything at your hands, every resources to achieve what you want to. you felt it was possible, but then, again like pillars of salt, so fragile, seem so unlikely.

how'd we know what beholds for us in the future. how'd you know what beholds for you tomorrow. how'd you know there is such thing as love. faith, is what makes us believe in the slightest impossible thing. there is no sign, no prediction. only faith to bring us where we want to be.

people have long ago taken for granted the word obligation and responsibility. to me, these are two different events. every obligation is a responsibility. but remind yourself, every responsibility is not an obligation. responsibility may just be a word created by our ancestors for us to feel the guilt of not doing something in a soft way. one can choose to fulfill her responsibilities, there is an option, there is a yes or no, there is a right. maybe it's time to change what our ancestors mindfucked us, that if we do not fulfill our responsibility, we should feel guilt.

don't bother feeling the guilt, cause it's a waste of time. no one will appreciate the guilt anyways. not especially when there are no strings attached.

then again, it has been a norm for humans to blame before they looked upon their own actions. maybe it has become a habit of mine to look at my own first, blame myself, take light years actually realize it's not my bad. i analyze and analyze. interprete meanings in metaphores. why have i become such a queen of analyzing.

when people do something bad towards me, or if they have taken me for granted, i take years and years to realize, i'm not that bad. during those years and years, i live in guilt.

my life is like a pillar of salt, felt as if i built it fast, but seem so fragile, because i lose faith and trust in myself.

i always thought i could build my pillar of salt, in a short span of time. using every single piece of source i can find. but there is no such thing as perfection.

people say, we learn from mistakes. i say, there is no room for mistakes. everything crumbles, if there is a mistake. you risk everything, through one mistake.

greed brings me here. and greed is the one who tears me apart.

Everything do come to an end.

Finally.

ob assignment, down. =))

Ps sorry liverpool fan for being harsh last week. will take down post soon = no longer mad. and thanks for the post card again.

Anger Management

first of all, i apologise to family members who read this, because this is one lengthy post filled with harsh words. So if you can't accept the fact that i am such a vulgar person, then simple, get lost.

there's two things bothering me these days. firstly, please, do.not.bother.asking.me.how.am.i everyday. if you feel it is courteous, it is not. it is fucking mind boggling. get it? if you want to ask, by all means, do-fucking-so, but if you can't accept a one word answer, then forget about asking me. what's up with this shit of expecting more than one word? you expect me to tell you ALL the little things in life, what goes on in my mind, then for heaven's sake, send a bloody spy. clearly, i do not have time to answer all the goddamn small things in life that happened in a fucking day. i clearly do not need more than one boyfriend. and if i do not ask how was your day, why fucking bother telling me, this shows i don't even have time to read bullshit. seriously, i do not think i need to report how many hair grew in my armpit today or how i realized there's an ant in the fucking toilet. if i want to tell someone this, i can just find a boyfriend. period.

so if you wanna know something different in my day, like how i died or was involved in an accident, lemme tell you, there's nothing interesting about my days. i wake up, eat, shit, bathe, study, school, return, sleep, eat, watch tv. the same ol' fucking shit every goddamn day. i am sorry to disappoint if you wanna know anything extra.

firstly, i didn't answer politely, not because i had a bad dream! it's because i just do not want to answer. and do you actually ask everyone the 'how was ur day' question. that question is fucking annoying i can tell you that. whether i overslept and what my heart thinks about IS MY GODDAMN PROBLEM. why do you keep thinking you have the right to know?? and i didn't ask how was your day. i have too many other days to bother about than to ask how was yours. and seriously, i do not want to share my life with a friend. i want to share my life with someone i love, obviously. and why bother which i pick? whether their words are sweet or they are cute and u think they are playboys, and why u bother being disappointed in me. do not judge someone you don't know, you just downright pissed me off there. i didn't choose you, live with it. stop telling me things to change my mind about you. because once i made a decision, you live with my decision. leave me alone. what you think about me that i can be moved with sweet words, IS DOWNRIGHT WRONG. because i stand by my principles, i am a person with principles.

secondly, if you are my fucking friend, stop being a pretentious slut. whore. the trouble with you asking me for the latest news is just for fun. not because you care, not because you're a fucking friend. clearly, u are just not pleased that somethings which belonged to me, will sooner or fucking, later, return to me. so if you don't bother giving CON-FUCKING-SOLING (consoling dude) words to me or any WISE enough advice, shut the fuck up, don't come and ask me for anything. i don't even think you are partially qualified to give a smart enough advice obviously. one thing that people misinterprete about good friends is that they all listen. bull-fucking-shit i tell u. i don't need people telling me 'i don't know', 'i am not sure'. very simple, in life, when i treat someone good, i expect the same shit from you. if you don't, then try to fucking re-evaluate your goddamn self and see how bloody 'useful' you have been as a fucking friend, will you do me that favour? then you finally fucking realize you are actually good enough to be compared on par with me, think again, you're a horrible person. anyway, please stop misusing the word 'good friend'. if really you cannot give a damn on how i am feeling, why you ask 'so what's up'. you can go straight to the goddamn point and say 'so what's the gossip, are u dead yet or are u suffering yet, 'friend'?'.

last but not least, seriously, LAST-FUCKING-LEAST, you need to bloody grow up. everyone needs to adapt to a new group, so be it. maybe you need to think, how in any fucking other ways you could have handled the goddamn situation. one person, when they lose their friends, the childish ones think someone is sabotaging him, but if you can finally think as a grown up, maybe really, your attitude is shit balls. if you feel i stole something from you, maybe i have not at all, because it wasn't yours in the first place, bitch. and please, you can have it for all i care, because i have grown, i am fucking 21 and i can think, I MOVE ON IN LIFE. not like you, always stuck at square one. anyway, for things you feel you had once, like someone's heart, maybe you never really had it at all because people who told you that you had it, was just merely trying to fucking please you. it was all IMAGINARY to you, seriously. and let me tell you, i moved on, months ago. so what you think i stole, i already put it back in a place where it came from, which is obviously not you. and please, stop banging your good friends, because what have they gotta do with this. so think wisely, just because no one sides you, it's not their fault. this is HOW YOU CHASED YOUR FRIENDS AWAY DUDE! do not fucking sulk at rotten eggs.

THERE IT FUCKING GOES. i will remove this once i am over it. i seriously hate pretentious sluts who tries to be someone they can never be.

Ps. (editted) thank you to those who actually hear me out when i am angry or down. yee vonn, jo, c veannnnnnnnnn, ALVIN and yin wai of course. occasionally jack. haha. i love you people.

My favourite things.

There are just a few things which can really make my day. You know the feeling of waking up on the wrong side of the bed, is yuck. But when I am down, or very drawn by emotions, there can be a few things to cheer me up.

I am hard headed when it comes to emotions, so there is not likely for one person who can really change how I feel.

Besides going on a retail therapy trip, there are two things which cheers me up, without a cost.

Blue skies!

Don't blue skies outside your window instantly tells you that you're just going to have an awesome day? And the weirdest thing about me is, I smile when I see skies like this outside of my window when I rise. =))


This would be the second thing which usually makes up my night (when there's no blue skies). I love the Bob Marley version, because it's so happy!

It says:

We woke up this morning,

just in time for the rising sun.

There were three little birds,

outside my doorstep.

They were singing some sweet songs,

their melody was pure and true (in this video is was 'clear').

They were singing,

this is my message to you.

Don't worry about a thing,

cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

Yup, everything is going to be alright, like my OB assignment. Haha!

I love love love this version as well. Just can't decide which. Brandon changed this into mp3 version for me! Haha. I was trying to find the Casa Nova version, which doesn't sound as happy as this both, (and I didn't quite like it in the beginning) but now it sounds really nice to me.

And yes, there is a difference between these two videos.

Lastly, girly gossip talk time is a happy thing too!

Happy 21st YAP! Haha. So weird your friends call you that.

And happy 21st Chee Mun Wah, if she does read this. I love you long time CF President (and yes I must repeat this)!!

No birthday wishes for Jack.

late in the night.

it is 3.44 am in the morning. and all i am doing is look at this thing called The Group Decision-Making process, which is boring the shit out of me. you can tell i hate organisation behaviour. oh, while listening to the love of my life, mraz. sipping on hot milo. wondering why is there a need for people to think about what has happened. live, and let live.


so. here i am. blogging nonsensical.


last night, i have initially wanted to blog about whatever that has happened since december. but there's just too many to freaking comprehend. starting from christmas that is. so i just decided not to. but most likely, i'd blog my 21st. that will be a long post. trust me.


it was a long celebration.


anyway, so how it feels being alone and 21. old and well, lonely. haha. damn lame. shoot me so i die.


i hate assignments. seriously.


(i just came out from the toilet and...ahhhhh soap is in my eye)


side tracked. these few days, i have been contemplating whether or not to get brown coloured contact lenses. wtf. (i am just into buying nonsense these days, i have too much money now that i don't hang out every night anymore) then brandon shot me, and said it's too fake, wtf. jin, now you know who is the one who convinced me not to do it. so what do you think, anonymous reader, whoever you are reading this?

damn it. back to books.


(in bed is where i should really be now, believe me)

Ps. someone has got to stop me from buying rubbish. i am waiting for a parcel of a dress and top tomorrow...and faux eyelashes (you got a freaking prob with my fake lashes dude?) and waiting for my clothes from perth....guil-tay. anyway, side track, i am thinking of getting a pair of skinnys, but i cannot decide if i want a grey one or the usual blue ones. PLEASE I NEED FEEDBACKS OKAY SO GODDAMNIT, REPLY IN THE COMMENTS SECTION (i hate chatboxes). i just really can't decide on the pull&bear one or the valleygirl one, damn. i hate choices.

the change.

firstly, let me apologize about the blog address change. i know it's the third time, and it's a hassle to change it. when i first chose wangi-fied, i wasn't exactly comfortable with the name itself. i have been using 'wangi' as my online msn nick for years...4 years to be exact and you might think i should be used to it by then. when i chose my url, i wanted it to be wangi, but sadly, it has been taken up. so i settled in for something alike.

and recently, while i was bathing (great ideas come when i bathe), i thought i should really name my blog wrt(with respect to) something i treasure dearly. if you would've known me for years, my baby bolster is one of the dearest thing in my life. recently, it fell apart (ala died) due to rotten materials, and holes wtf. i am still keeping it! so no worries. (i'd die without touching it every night)

so, there, the birth of tinybabybolster.blogspot.com, a name which i hold dearly to my heart. thank you.