Catchin' up on life.

It has been awhile since I have, wtf, blogged about something happy. not that i am really just a sadistic person, just that i've been very very occupied. so this is a quickie on what i have been up to.

i have been completing my assignments. and been doing exams. why the fuck has rmit mid semester paper become such a bitch!! seriously. i read read read and memorize, but everything which comes out has no significance to what you have read.

remember how we easily did good enough in empirical studies in equity markets by just reading once?! i mean, how come i did well in that year 3 paper, when i was back in year 2 and now i can't cope with a year 3 paper, when i am now in year 3!!! what has the world gotten into.

okay, this is big news. that's if i havent told you. two hell weeks ago, i was feeling a pain on my gums end, and thinking it was just because i was 'heaty', i ignored it. but on saturday (wtf i actually remember the day), easter itself, i realized i could feel my wisdom tooth coming out.

wtf gg. my nightmare has arrived hello.

seeing jin endure the pain, i really hope mine wouldn't even appear. so i went for an appointment with the dentist which he eventually said 'let it be there for six months, we'll see then what we can do' but that night itself it was freaking pain like balls!

so cut long story short, i went to see another dentist (more handsome one, seriously) on friday and underwent a minor surgery to remove it.

i decided to remove it on the spot because
1) i didn't want the wisdom tooths to move my other teeth. i hate senget teeth, how do people cope with ugly teeth (ahem, gigi taring!)
2) finals are coming up, and stress wtf 'enhances' the ache, so i didn't want the tooth to interfere with my finals

on the other hand, i really didn't want to do it last friday because
1) i just have so many activities lined up that weekend. bitch tooth.

dentist in the morning on friday. amazingly i wasn't very terrified, instead took it lightly. i didn't feel that sort of anxiety which i felt when i took my company law paper, wtf.







Having my final solid food.


This was immediately after the surgery. i felt nothing, boohoo. i guessed the handsome dentist must have numbed me too much as even my freaking nose was numb. wtf.



oh there was only one. and my wisdom tooth was still beneath my gums. so he had to slit my gums to dig the tooth out. and those red stuff stuck to the tooth above is not just blood, but gum particles too!


tadaaa. broken tooth. drilled into two parts.

eww blooood. wtf. the goss was my friend for the next few hours after the mini surgery.

gosh, since it is my first surgery, i guess, i am finally adult wtf! oh i healed very quickly because the next day i was at AC already supporting champion. so pick my dentist is you wanna remove your wisdom tooth, cause he is good and he is handsome (very important).

next update is that, wtf, i am having finals. boo-hoo.

lastly, i just got back from the dentist again. and i should be studying by now. so bai!

Span of two hours.

i should be asleep right now. but what happened in within 2 hours before this, has been running through my mind, and it bogs me down. maybe what i am now, is not who i was then.

have you ever felt that, you have been given too short a time to achieve something to big its influence? have you felt as if you wanted to build something in a few weeks which usually takes a few years to build? and you try having everything at your hands, every resources to achieve what you want to. you felt it was possible, but then, again like pillars of salt, so fragile, seem so unlikely.

how'd we know what beholds for us in the future. how'd you know what beholds for you tomorrow. how'd you know there is such thing as love. faith, is what makes us believe in the slightest impossible thing. there is no sign, no prediction. only faith to bring us where we want to be.

people have long ago taken for granted the word obligation and responsibility. to me, these are two different events. every obligation is a responsibility. but remind yourself, every responsibility is not an obligation. responsibility may just be a word created by our ancestors for us to feel the guilt of not doing something in a soft way. one can choose to fulfill her responsibilities, there is an option, there is a yes or no, there is a right. maybe it's time to change what our ancestors mindfucked us, that if we do not fulfill our responsibility, we should feel guilt.

don't bother feeling the guilt, cause it's a waste of time. no one will appreciate the guilt anyways. not especially when there are no strings attached.

then again, it has been a norm for humans to blame before they looked upon their own actions. maybe it has become a habit of mine to look at my own first, blame myself, take light years actually realize it's not my bad. i analyze and analyze. interprete meanings in metaphores. why have i become such a queen of analyzing.

when people do something bad towards me, or if they have taken me for granted, i take years and years to realize, i'm not that bad. during those years and years, i live in guilt.

my life is like a pillar of salt, felt as if i built it fast, but seem so fragile, because i lose faith and trust in myself.

i always thought i could build my pillar of salt, in a short span of time. using every single piece of source i can find. but there is no such thing as perfection.

people say, we learn from mistakes. i say, there is no room for mistakes. everything crumbles, if there is a mistake. you risk everything, through one mistake.

greed brings me here. and greed is the one who tears me apart.

Everything do come to an end.

Finally.

ob assignment, down. =))

Ps sorry liverpool fan for being harsh last week. will take down post soon = no longer mad. and thanks for the post card again.

Anger Management

first of all, i apologise to family members who read this, because this is one lengthy post filled with harsh words. So if you can't accept the fact that i am such a vulgar person, then simple, get lost.

there's two things bothering me these days. firstly, please, do.not.bother.asking.me.how.am.i everyday. if you feel it is courteous, it is not. it is fucking mind boggling. get it? if you want to ask, by all means, do-fucking-so, but if you can't accept a one word answer, then forget about asking me. what's up with this shit of expecting more than one word? you expect me to tell you ALL the little things in life, what goes on in my mind, then for heaven's sake, send a bloody spy. clearly, i do not have time to answer all the goddamn small things in life that happened in a fucking day. i clearly do not need more than one boyfriend. and if i do not ask how was your day, why fucking bother telling me, this shows i don't even have time to read bullshit. seriously, i do not think i need to report how many hair grew in my armpit today or how i realized there's an ant in the fucking toilet. if i want to tell someone this, i can just find a boyfriend. period.

so if you wanna know something different in my day, like how i died or was involved in an accident, lemme tell you, there's nothing interesting about my days. i wake up, eat, shit, bathe, study, school, return, sleep, eat, watch tv. the same ol' fucking shit every goddamn day. i am sorry to disappoint if you wanna know anything extra.

firstly, i didn't answer politely, not because i had a bad dream! it's because i just do not want to answer. and do you actually ask everyone the 'how was ur day' question. that question is fucking annoying i can tell you that. whether i overslept and what my heart thinks about IS MY GODDAMN PROBLEM. why do you keep thinking you have the right to know?? and i didn't ask how was your day. i have too many other days to bother about than to ask how was yours. and seriously, i do not want to share my life with a friend. i want to share my life with someone i love, obviously. and why bother which i pick? whether their words are sweet or they are cute and u think they are playboys, and why u bother being disappointed in me. do not judge someone you don't know, you just downright pissed me off there. i didn't choose you, live with it. stop telling me things to change my mind about you. because once i made a decision, you live with my decision. leave me alone. what you think about me that i can be moved with sweet words, IS DOWNRIGHT WRONG. because i stand by my principles, i am a person with principles.

secondly, if you are my fucking friend, stop being a pretentious slut. whore. the trouble with you asking me for the latest news is just for fun. not because you care, not because you're a fucking friend. clearly, u are just not pleased that somethings which belonged to me, will sooner or fucking, later, return to me. so if you don't bother giving CON-FUCKING-SOLING (consoling dude) words to me or any WISE enough advice, shut the fuck up, don't come and ask me for anything. i don't even think you are partially qualified to give a smart enough advice obviously. one thing that people misinterprete about good friends is that they all listen. bull-fucking-shit i tell u. i don't need people telling me 'i don't know', 'i am not sure'. very simple, in life, when i treat someone good, i expect the same shit from you. if you don't, then try to fucking re-evaluate your goddamn self and see how bloody 'useful' you have been as a fucking friend, will you do me that favour? then you finally fucking realize you are actually good enough to be compared on par with me, think again, you're a horrible person. anyway, please stop misusing the word 'good friend'. if really you cannot give a damn on how i am feeling, why you ask 'so what's up'. you can go straight to the goddamn point and say 'so what's the gossip, are u dead yet or are u suffering yet, 'friend'?'.

last but not least, seriously, LAST-FUCKING-LEAST, you need to bloody grow up. everyone needs to adapt to a new group, so be it. maybe you need to think, how in any fucking other ways you could have handled the goddamn situation. one person, when they lose their friends, the childish ones think someone is sabotaging him, but if you can finally think as a grown up, maybe really, your attitude is shit balls. if you feel i stole something from you, maybe i have not at all, because it wasn't yours in the first place, bitch. and please, you can have it for all i care, because i have grown, i am fucking 21 and i can think, I MOVE ON IN LIFE. not like you, always stuck at square one. anyway, for things you feel you had once, like someone's heart, maybe you never really had it at all because people who told you that you had it, was just merely trying to fucking please you. it was all IMAGINARY to you, seriously. and let me tell you, i moved on, months ago. so what you think i stole, i already put it back in a place where it came from, which is obviously not you. and please, stop banging your good friends, because what have they gotta do with this. so think wisely, just because no one sides you, it's not their fault. this is HOW YOU CHASED YOUR FRIENDS AWAY DUDE! do not fucking sulk at rotten eggs.

THERE IT FUCKING GOES. i will remove this once i am over it. i seriously hate pretentious sluts who tries to be someone they can never be.

Ps. (editted) thank you to those who actually hear me out when i am angry or down. yee vonn, jo, c veannnnnnnnnn, ALVIN and yin wai of course. occasionally jack. haha. i love you people.