Span of two hours.

i should be asleep right now. but what happened in within 2 hours before this, has been running through my mind, and it bogs me down. maybe what i am now, is not who i was then.

have you ever felt that, you have been given too short a time to achieve something to big its influence? have you felt as if you wanted to build something in a few weeks which usually takes a few years to build? and you try having everything at your hands, every resources to achieve what you want to. you felt it was possible, but then, again like pillars of salt, so fragile, seem so unlikely.

how'd we know what beholds for us in the future. how'd you know what beholds for you tomorrow. how'd you know there is such thing as love. faith, is what makes us believe in the slightest impossible thing. there is no sign, no prediction. only faith to bring us where we want to be.

people have long ago taken for granted the word obligation and responsibility. to me, these are two different events. every obligation is a responsibility. but remind yourself, every responsibility is not an obligation. responsibility may just be a word created by our ancestors for us to feel the guilt of not doing something in a soft way. one can choose to fulfill her responsibilities, there is an option, there is a yes or no, there is a right. maybe it's time to change what our ancestors mindfucked us, that if we do not fulfill our responsibility, we should feel guilt.

don't bother feeling the guilt, cause it's a waste of time. no one will appreciate the guilt anyways. not especially when there are no strings attached.

then again, it has been a norm for humans to blame before they looked upon their own actions. maybe it has become a habit of mine to look at my own first, blame myself, take light years actually realize it's not my bad. i analyze and analyze. interprete meanings in metaphores. why have i become such a queen of analyzing.

when people do something bad towards me, or if they have taken me for granted, i take years and years to realize, i'm not that bad. during those years and years, i live in guilt.

my life is like a pillar of salt, felt as if i built it fast, but seem so fragile, because i lose faith and trust in myself.

i always thought i could build my pillar of salt, in a short span of time. using every single piece of source i can find. but there is no such thing as perfection.

people say, we learn from mistakes. i say, there is no room for mistakes. everything crumbles, if there is a mistake. you risk everything, through one mistake.

greed brings me here. and greed is the one who tears me apart.